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Health Assessment Questionnaire

Posted in Uncategorized | August 27th, 2011

health assessment questionnaire
Can someone correct this essay?

Organic Products On-line supply System
Background
Organic products without the use of chemicals are better for the health as well as the environment. It is important that people can get proper information of the organic products, and easily purchase them.

Objective
This study develops an on-line organic products supply system to provide online information of organic products for people and supply organic products in Taiwan in order to promote the health of the people and environment.

Methods
Developing the on-line supply system of organic products, three steps are taken.(1) assessment of the environment and market of the organic products in Taiwan , (2) development of the on-line system by system analysis, system design and data management with database, (3) online questionnaires are used to obtain the opinion of the user.

Overall, it’s very well written. I recommend a few minor changes:

In the Background section, change the last sentence to “It is important that people can get proper information and easily purchase organic products.” Also, maybe since this on-line supply system is specifically for the people/environment of Taiwan, include a sentence stating that no such information/system currently exists or is readily available in Taiwan.

In Objectives, the sentence reads too long (run-on). Break it up: “The objective of this study is to develop an on-line organic products supply system (based in Taiwan). Its purpose will be to provide online information on organic products, to supply organic products, and to promote the health of the people and environment of Taiwan.”

In Methods, the first sentence is not a complete sentence. Also either end the first sentence in a colon (:) and use semicolons (;) rather than commas (,) to break up the steps, OR, end the first sentence in a period (.) and separate the steps into separate sentences (in this case, write out first, second, etc). “Three steps are necessary to develop an on-line supply system of organic products: (1)assess the environment…; (2) develop an on-line system by…; (3) survey user opinions via online questionnaires.”